*sigh*

Thats a fantastic emote if I ever saw one. Maaaan, karma's a bitch.
Remember the monkies in trees post I ddi way back in January 2005. Well- guess what. The gf (who is now the ex gf) was a big fucking monkey. Also found out she was a liar and a cheater.

Which now brings her down to my level of scumming- only she made out to be she was innocent and a victim.

Strangely enough, although I bitch about that- I don't really "care". I mean- it grates me. It really fucking burns. But, usually i'd process and get rid of it. The shit thing is that I jsut cant. She owes me 190,000 yen. Thats like $1800US. And....shes being wierd about it. Its fucking grating me man.

I have this screwed up theory. It doesn't make sense...well...at least it doesn't to anyone else. I'm a true believer in intention. (Guess ppl like me are a reason there is a saying "the Road to hell...")

What i mean by that is - if a gf i was with cheated on me, because i was being cold- i wasnt giving her sex, i wasnt doing something- then- its not ok, but its understandable to me. Does she still love me? Does she still want me and only me? Then I can forgive. I do believe mistakes happen- because ive been there. I've made them. I have also grown. And I believe that we create the situations that can create bad situations ;)

Biggest betrayal for me was not finding out that my ex fucked another guy when i was still with her. But, that she was actively looking for someone else while still with me. Sad to say...i just didnt expect it in this relationship from this person.

She played herself as the total opposite of what japanese girls are really like....and turned out she was exactly the same.
Im not innocent. I never was. And as Jay said I "deserve this" but that doesnt make it any easier.

The fact that she still owes me this money and that she has now disconnected her phone makes it even tougher. *meeeeh* I feel like tearing my insides out.
>_<

ps: on a side note- i had kobe beef last night. That rocked.